A little over a week ago we had a good friend pass away. When I was letting Avery know that she would be taken to a friend's house while mommy and daddy left, she asked where we were going. I told her we were going to say good-bye to Jamie. Here's the conversation:
Avery: "Is Jamie still sick?"
Mom: "No, Jamie isn't sick anymore."
Avery: "Where's Jamie?"
Mom: "Jamie is heaven. Do you know who he gets to be with?"
Avery: "Is Jamie happy?"
Mom: "Yes, Jamie is very happy. Do you know why?"
Mom: "Because he gets to dance with Jesus, he's not sick anymore, and he gets to see your smiling face everyday now."
Avery: Big Grin!
Oh, it was such a sweet moment.
Today: One big YUCK. We're out of town visiting family. I don't know if I was just over emotional today or if the kids really were tearing at my last nerve. Then we went to my niece's birthday party. It was at Little Gym. I did my usual letting the gym people know about Ian so they wouldn't think he was a 'bad' boy. He did okay in the beginning. Then he just couldn't handle the excitement anymore, so we left with him and had family bring home Avery. I cried the whole car ride and pretty much the rest of today. I just want him to be able to be a part of things in a 'normal' way. Jim made the point that he DID have a good time. That helped a little, but I guess not enough.
I try really hard not to cry in front of my family, particularly my mom, when we're back home visiting because I don't want them to worry. Sounds fake, I know. But they worry so much anyway, I hate to give them anymore reason to. I blew that today. Couldn't hide it. Maybe it's pride? Maybe I just want them to think I really can handle our life perfectly. Ha Ha
Anyway, it's time for bed now and tomorrow is a new day. I will get up like a do everyday and ask Christ to give me strength for another day. He is sufficient....even when I cry.