Yeah, so I'm not doin' too good today. Actually I haven't been for a while. I'm not sure what it is. I basically feel defeated. My body hurts (I've been dealing with back pain for a while), I'm tired, I'm frustrated....I'll just stop there. Yes, there are things I can probably do about each of those, but to be honest, I'm just not motivated. I'm putting on my happy face, trying to beat it all out of me, but it hasn't worked yet. I get up, pray that I will receive His strength and joy and gentleness, and that I would only seek His approval (which is funny because I already know I am marked with an "A" - approved, accepted, adopted - in His eyes). I make it for a little while, then I let the "go ahead, beat me up" take over. I'm usually tougher than this. Ian has been a bit louder and more hyper than usual. Maybe the added craziness is getting to me...I am a FX carrier after all. :) And although I'm surrounded by people who are very involved, I still feel very alone. Sounds crazy, I know, but I bet a lot of you moms can totally relate to that....even those with great husbands. It just happens sometimes.
So, my plan? I just got up. So before I get the kiddos up, I will go once again and seek the face of God. I've no doubt He has something sweet for me today.
4 comments:
Donna,
Know that I am praying for you through this, and you can steal my wife for support whenever you need her. I think we all have been a little more vulnerable since November, and that lack of community is wearing me thin too. But God's grace is sufficient for all our needs, and he will provide ways to encourage us and re-connect us into the body.
It's not crazy to feel alone when people are around. I do often. It's hard to break out of it. I know if I wasn't on Zoloft it would be probably be worse. The thing is that when I am alone I am just useless. I can't get myself out of bed or do anything. I have all that time to do so much and I just can't. So, when I know I have time to myself coming up I plan to spend it with a close friend so that I won't go into a funk. At home when I'm alone with a house full I will pick out a child and spend some 1:1 time with them. A lot of times it will help me out.
Sorry to hear that you are feeling down; I hope your day got better as it went on.
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