"But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is rightousness is sown in peace by those who make peace."
James 3:17, 18
As another school year begins, so does another year of unknowns. Three fragile X kids in three different schools. A daughter who is great at comprehension struggles so very hard at math and is so very timid. Youngest son who is over the charts on cuteness but struggles at obeying and rules and potty training (typical though) and impulsivity and basically anything that would create order. Oldest son, who has been a people pleaser is now deciding to hang on the fence of rebellion....going just so far enough to get a reaction (I think he prefers negative). This same son who generally seems to regret his actions, showing sadness & sorrow, impulsively scratches his brother and pulls his sister's hair, or messes up what sister has worked so hard on. Three children whom I love and adore dearly and could not imagine my life without.
In the school and out of the school, I MUST HAVE THE ABILITY TO EXERCISE WISDOM. Wisdom within the fragile X realm (and many others) means overlooking some things the parent of typical kids would not. It also means having zero tolerance for things the parent of typical kid would say "aww, cut him some slack". Wisdom... knowing how much they can handle before it's time to take a break. Wisdom... trying to learn about why they respond the way they do in certain circumstances, as well as knowing when I don't have to know why. Wisdom...knowing when not to take them to a particular function because it will cause more anxiety than joy for them. Wisdom...when to know when/how to confront a teacher or situation and when to be patient.
Wisdom...to know how to bless my daughter who, because she is not as negatively affected as the boys, takes on greater responsibilities. Wisdom...to know how to explain why she has to do this or not but the boys do not. Wisdom...to know how to get Ian to keep on reading this or that book, even through the whining and fits. Wisdom...to know how to get him to eat using utensils. Wisdom...to know how to get Benjamin to understand authority at home and at school. Wisdom...to know how to roll with the punches (which I've gotten quite good at) and how to have fun with my children....even when that means pulling out the paints knowing full well it will end up on places that will just not wash off. It means having fun with them sloshing around in the rain (which I like to do anyway). Wisdom...how to balance everything and everyone in my family while at the same time making time for me. Wisdom...making sure my husband and I get date nights and times to really connect and see how the other is doing in our mahem. Wisdom....to not get lazy in this. Wisdom.... even so much more.
But the most important and crucial of all is seeking the wisdom that comes from above. All the wisdom needed listed above and all the others not even mentioned on my list can only be truly accomplished when I seek out and ask my God for that wisdom. He has given me the signs to look for to discern if I am accepting His wisdom in my life. Read the words - I do - everytime I ask for wisdom in a situation and I try my best to be sure it encompasses these words when I follow through.....pure, peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. If I seek out seed whose fruit is rightousness, it will be sown in peace, and I will have become a peacemaker. What a wonderful thought!
The first day I decided to use this verse with schooling my children and with my family, I prayed over it before I started to do some school with Avery. The result? Well, ummm, I wish I could say it was incredible. Instead, I was an incredible failure! We both ended up in tears....over math! Ugh! But with every yuck in life comes a beautiful life lesson or two if we are willing to look for them.
1. I always try to make it a point to model humility with my children. I apologize whenever the time calls for it. In this case, it screamed for it. So I did. She, in turn (with a little help from me), apologized for her part as well. It was a very sweet time.
2. God led me to another verse from James: "He gives a greater grace." (James 4:6) My God gives greater grace. Grace greater. Grace is His ability to enable me to be who He has called me to be and to do what He has called me to do.
So, basically when I fail....that's okay. I go back to Him who gives greater grace. I don't quit.