Saturday, May 12, 2012

7 Years Ago

As the day comes to a close, I reflect once more of this date 7 years ago...the day my life and dreams changed forever....our first (of 3) diagnosis of fully mutated fragile x syndrome.  To this date, I still remember it as if it were yesterday.  I remember my mom in town for Mother's Day, sitting on the couch next to me when I received the phone call.  I remember the confusion, the fear, the anger, the sadness, the unknown.

Now seven years and 2 more diagnoses (sp?) later, I still fight the same thoughts, but only occasionally now.  Our pastor did a teaching last week about the grace of God that was fabulous.  He defined the term on a whole new and more mature level than I had ever heard before.  "Grace is God's empowering presence enabling you to be what God has created you to be and to do what he has created you to do."  I would say this fits perfectly with how I have survived the last 7 years....His empowering presence enabling me.

I hate fragile x.  There, I said it.  But I love, love, love my children; every tiny ounce of them!  While 'typical' families celebrate grand accomplishments because the 'little' things just happen naturally, I have learned to celebrate every accomplishment, knowing that nothing they do is to be taken for granted.  I have learned that I don't have to stop and give excuses to every person that looks at me if Benjamin screams in the store or Ian decides he's going to kiss a trash can (yes, actually happened).  Do I feel a bit uncomfortable?  Ummm, sure.  But I get over it.  And I don't mean to sound rude, but if I can get over it, so can those people looking that know nothing about my child.  I have learned not to 'judge' other parents when I see their child 'misbehaving' in public.  To be totally honest, it kinda makes me feel more normal. :)  I also have a lot more compassion for them, and if they see me looking, I just smile to let them know it's okay.  There's so much more I've learned as well.

There are still so many unknowns, but I try to take them one day at a time.  Some days I even make it through without thinking about one of those unknowns.  I try to remember the 'knowns'.  I know my children were meant for me.  I know I was meant for my children.  I know I love my children.  I know they love me.  Seriously, what more could I ask for?  Just look at those beautiful, happy children at the top of my page!